when your stuck in an alternate world away from everything for weeks its easy to want everything to be the way you left it, but its also unrealistic. things move, and people move on without you. sure people missed me along the way, i dont argue that, but people get on with their own lives and during the course of absense people inevitably have to continue their lives even though yours ceases. unfortunately, your pain is yours alone and its not their fault that things move on, as that is the way it is. still, that doesnt make it any easier to accept or begin to accept the new state of affairs. i only hope that noone else has to suffer as i did, furthermore, noone should have to sacrifice what i have for no other reason than the world has shat on me.
its like jesus christ came down and took a shit right on me and he had god condemn it.
i think i killed myself on the inside tonite, or maybe ii just died all by itself